Never Too Old to Online Date: Tips From an 89-Year-Old Bachelorette
“Mikol’s Mom, Alice is turning 90 this month. She’s been widowed for four years. She gets lonely. Where does a woman at this age meet a guy?”
In Mikol’s (and his wife carol’s) blog, on AgingParents.com, he writes about his lovely mother Alice’s recent adventures in, and successes with online dating.
The article includes tips that can be instructive for daters of any age.
For example, at first she lied about her age, changing it from 89 to 78. But it turns out, that wasn’t a magic bullet. The candidates she was coming across were “loser(s) at any age,” she reports.
Next, she got more clear on what makes a good candidate for her. (I like to call this a “green flag.”) For Alice, it’s this quality: ability to drive at night. And secondarily, ability to read a map.
It may be a factor of age, but Mikol notes that Alice doesn’t spend a lot of time on emails or the phone; just long enough to decide that she does want to meet in person — a strategy that I recommend to my clients. Mikol writes, “If she likes him on the phone, a date is made for lunch. They guy then has to find his way to where Alice lives or she meets him at a restaurant. It’s kind-of a test. One fellow from her online dating experience couldn’t even find her house, despite her clear directions. She scratched him off the list immediately.”
Other aspects of compatibility on her list include a similar attitude towards sex (or lack thereof), companionable conversation, at least some common interests, and a shared level of physical health. Her son notes, “She’d rather be by herself than waste time with a loser or a guy who really only wants a ‘nurse with a purse’.”
Also, Alice perseveres.
Mikol writes, “She never gives up. She’s game to keep on trying, even when she has had some bad experiences.”
Maybe at 89, Alice is less likely to wonder “what’s wrong with me?” when a gentleman doesn’t prove to be a good fit.
It is certainly more efficient and effective to take the mismatches in stride (rather than personally) and move on to the next candidate. The key is being able to differentiate between when a rejection or other unpleasant experience contains seeds for self-examination and personal growth vs. when it’s simply not the right chemistry. (Of course, a dating coach can help with making that distinction — and provide tools for exploring the former or sloughing off the latter.)
What a great story – online dating really can be used by people of any age! Go Alice!